Adult Autism

I recently discovered that I am on the autism spectrum.  One would think there would be support but, only  a handful know.  One in particular who should understand  and want to help me to adjust to this news, still seems to be grudginly uninterested in my need to understand  and they have the knowledge and skills to help me.

At least a few trusted friends  and a couple relatives are understanding.

I need to just let it go.  

Letting go is not easy.

When you bare your soul to someone you love, but their response is less than empathetic,  more angered and intensely rude at times you just stop talking to them.  I speak my truth about my first husband  because  he was mentally abusive.  Occasionally he would do things to hurt me, but mostly it was gaslighted and manipulation. He loved the game, control and other women.  

I feel I am living that game once again with someoneI thought had my back.  I guess not...

My second husband  taught me what real love was, ❤️ I can't help but compare both men.

It's hurtful 💔 😢 to have to keep my mouth shut and pretend all is well.  Grief is hard, but much harder when you feel you are not wanted or appreciated  by those I have helped but nor they barely tolerate me. 

Moving forward is not easy

I created a blog, then had some videos that just were too emotional  and decided to not publish that much information. 

I have looked deeply in my soul to figure out how to get through this.

I feel intense sadness most of the time but I keep trying to focus on things other than grief.   But, it rears it's ugly face no matter what.