Your mind is a garden

Happy New Year 2025

Leaving 2024 behind

I didn't realize the previous posts were not published. they were all written in 2024.

Thoughts for today

 https://media.tenor.co/WW-URW5lPXUAAAAC/death-sympathy.gif?t=AAYLoLYd3YcFCCQCRgRbCA&c=VjFfZmFjZWJvb2s

I had to give myself a couple of days to do some self healing. I feel like I did pretty well considering.

I appreciate the ones who did offer kind words and thoughts over the last couple days.

Yes, I am still upset, I am still grieving. I might be away from this blog for as long as it takes to get passed this hurdle... I have some things I have to deal with, I am tired, disappointed and very hurt.

Updated Dec 03, 2023 2:21:33pm

Dec 03, 2023 2:06:33pm

Thoughts for today

 I heard news about a friend that is so heartbreaking, but their courage is amazing. I think about my own life and I realize that we all have challenges. It is how we react and ultimately respond to those challenges that makes us or breaks us. As I think about the physical and emotional challenges I face, none are as bad as they could be. I only wish I could do something to take that burden away from her. It is not my path, but I can be supportive. I can be an ear if she needs one. I can be a shoulder if she needs that too. As with all life challenges that is what we all need. To have someone to lean on. Someone we can trust not to judge or scoff at behind their back. If you are unable to cope with it don't be there and let that person down. Show support in any other way you can. That shows compassion more than being something you are not.

I heard news about a friend that is so heartbreaking, but their courage is amazing. I think about my own life and I realize that we all have challenges. It is how we react and ultimately respond to those challenges that makes us or breaks us.

As I think about the physical and emotional challenges I face, none are as bad as they could be. I only wish I could do something to take that burden away from her. It is not my path, but I can be supportive. I can be an ear if she needs one. I can be a shoulder if she needs that too.

As with all life challenges that is what we all need. To have someone to lean on. Someone we can trust not to judge or scoff at behind their back. If you are unable to cope with it don't be there and let that person down. Show support in any other way you can. That shows compassion more than being something you are not.

Dec 09, 2023 9:27:31am

Take something new and make it better with some bling!!!

I love bling.  No doubt about it.

Today I upcycled a vintage egg basket.  That process was published just before this blog post..

I found these cool wire hanging solar lights months ago.  I thought they would be beautiful if I added vintage crystals.   I am so happy with them!  They are different than the egg basket  light, but they all go together in the landscape. 

These hang on the gutter on each side of the garage.  A small deck is there and I enjoy sitting watching the natural beauty of the wooded area in the back of the property. 

This is before  the upcycling.

Adult Autism

I recently discovered that I am on the autism spectrum.  One would think there would be support but, only  a handful know.  One in particular who should understand  and want to help me to adjust to this news, still seems to be grudginly uninterested in my need to understand  and they have the knowledge and skills to help me.

At least a few trusted friends  and a couple relatives are understanding.

I need to just let it go.  

Letting go is not easy.

When you bare your soul to someone you love, but their response is less than empathetic,  more angered and intensely rude at times you just stop talking to them.  I speak my truth about my first husband  because  he was mentally abusive.  Occasionally he would do things to hurt me, but mostly it was gaslighted and manipulation. He loved the game, control and other women.  

I feel I am living that game once again with someoneI thought had my back.  I guess not...

My second husband  taught me what real love was, ❤️ I can't help but compare both men.

It's hurtful 💔 😢 to have to keep my mouth shut and pretend all is well.  Grief is hard, but much harder when you feel you are not wanted or appreciated  by those I have helped but nor they barely tolerate me. 

Moving forward is not easy

I created a blog, then had some videos that just were too emotional  and decided to not publish that much information. 

I have looked deeply in my soul to figure out how to get through this.

I feel intense sadness most of the time but I keep trying to focus on things other than grief.   But, it rears it's ugly face no matter what.

Peeling away the pieces that keep you from living

Grief has a way of just keeping your thoughts and desires from being recognized by anyone you know, unless you tell them of your feelings.   Unfortunately most people don't want to hear it.

Find a creative way to step into the world  again as a widow.  Gardening, crafts, cooking, baking, anything that brings positive thoughts and actions into you life.

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