A very long past

 A very long post:

This journey is a long, lonely one. At my age, dating is just not an option for me. Companionship maybe, it would be nice to have a person that enjoyed the same things I do. However, I am leery of pretty much everyone I don't already know.

Recently someone came to help me with a project that has been waiting since July. It was nice to talk to him but, he asked a lot of questions. He even complimented me on my appearance. He said I didn't look as old as I am and thought I looked really good. His words, not mine. A few years younger than me, seemed nice enough, but still I wasn't ready to go farther than the business at hand.

After the job was finished he said I could invite him over for dinner. At first I thought it was funny, but afterwards I thought it was a peculiar way to go about getting to know me better. As I pondered that comment, I decided to ignore it and keep things strictly business.

I had already hired him for a second job, which he didn't do, but bought materials to do it. At this time the supplies are in my garage in the rafters. He offered to store them at his place...hmmm, then would they disappear? Would he forget that I paid for them? Would he possibly die or move before next spring when he decided to do the work? Maybe I am over thinking...I usually do.

The last job I asked about was to fix the back deck. Or tear down if that was necessary. He mentioned a price, I agreed with it, then his next response was "Money seems to be no object for you" that really made me uncomfortable. I replied that I had a budget I was working from and when that is gone, no more projects can be done.

He didn't want the job even though he gave me a price to tear it down, so I called another contractor. The next day he showed up and said he would take down the deck if I decided to do that. The following day, he said, I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME THAT DECK, It felt a little demanding and all I could think of to say is I wanted to sell the deck and whomever bought it would take it down. It has been 3 weeks and I haven't heard from him since.

During the time between the first job he did for me and the final conversation we had he was driving by and making himself known to me. Driving slow as he went by or actually stopping to ask me if he could help. At first I thought he was being nice, but then I felt like he was a stalker. Not a violent one, but it just seemed weird to me and I was uncomfortable.

My neighbor noticed it as well and asked me if he was doing more projects here. I said no, and even he was very uncomfortable with it. I don't think he is a threat to me, but I still feel uncomfortable with how that played out. I only mention it because of my recent problems with other people making demands of me, wanting something just because I had it.

DANCING WITH the WOLVES
Since I became a widow, the wolves came out of the woodwork. Both times I was thrown into the widow realm and both times I was taken advantage of by contractors and family alike. So yes, I was dancing with the wolves who hunt and take advantage of those who are grieving and may not realize until much later they were duped.

My first husband died in 2011 from AML, it was devastating. I had been his caregiver for 4 years. Then I was left with dealing with no income of my own. Insurance was delayed 9 months and the bills were rising. I wasn't old enough to get social security and my health insurance was really expensive.

I ended up getting a home equity loan on our house that was already paid for. I needed money to live and pay bills, including medical bills.

During his final year our basement flooded 3 times. My daughter and I tore out all the drywall and cleaned it up the best we could. He could not be in the house with any mold or construction while he was in treatment.

After he passed away, I hired a company to remodel the basement and to be honest, they did a terrible job. A different company remodeled the full bath and I thought it was done. Years later we discovered that they didn't do anything properly. I spent almost 40,000 on that remodel in 2012 which included a gutter system for waterproofing.

Then someone tried to break into the garage right after that job was done. A family member came to put in a deadbolt for me. He also finished painting the exterior of the house for me. I had it almost done when I had a flu shot. I reacted badly and couldn't finish it among other things.
After he was gone, I discovered a lot of tools were missing as well.

Fast forward to 2022.
After Henry died, I was recovering from C19. Suffering from longhaulers, I realized I couldn't take care of the house or myself at that point. I decided to move to a smaller house. To make a new start and find out what to do next. I'm still not sure what I want to do, or where to go, but at least I am able to take care of what I do have.

During this move I met a person who seemed to be genuine and continually asked me if she could help. Well I was a little desperate for help, she offered friendship and thought it was ok. I paid her for her time and gave her a lot of things I could have sold but she said she needed these things, so I gave them to her.

I won't go into it any more than that, but she became demanding and if I didn't give or agree with something she either broke something or it disappeared. It was an awful experience. She got into my paperwork and saw my finances and decided to demand money and I had to end that relationship asap. After a year of unpacking and discovery I realized she had taken a lot, but I can't get it back so I moved on.

Next, the previous owners also hid a lot of issues here. I ended up having to replace some things and have the decks replaced.

A neighbor recommended their brother in law who built decks and was a general contractor. My fault for not getting his licenses etc., but I took her word for it. He was a scam artist and again, if I didn't like something he was doing, he did worse things. So for over $5,000 I was left with a crappy deck that would have collapsed in less than a year.

A friend of the family came to my rescue and redid that work for over $7,000 (and after a year I discovered he too did some things that have to be redone.) He became difficult to work with after 3 months of him not finishing the job. I never knew how he would be on any given day he came to work.

In this community you have 3 weeks to complete a project and nothing can be left lying around as it is unsightly. Well 3 months later I was still trying to get him to finish.

He showed up one night and screamed at me that he didn't charge me enough on his invoice. Well, that was all I could take. I said I will find someone else to finish it. He said he would and came the next day to finish. At that point, I believe he intentionally did things that were shady. I paid him what he asked and gave him a large sum to cover the costs of his complaint. I didn't have to but I would never cheat anyone purposely, so I did give him more than enough to cover the issue. At that time, I truly thought he did an excellent job, but he hid a lot of things. Mainly under the deck and he sloped the fill to the house and not away from it. It caused flooding and have had to work on that all summer because it rained so much that the ground was constantly wet.

There is a lot more I could write, but I am ending that here. It will just show you that being in the state of mind I was, I really couldn't judge the people who "helped" and I take full responsibility for not doing my due diligence. Background checks would have been really helpful here.

Since then, I have had a few other contractors that just either didn't show up or my projects were too small $$$ for them to bother. I learned that many people in the community have the same problem. As I talk to other widows, they too have had similar experiences.

My good friend Tom, said, I was left to the wolves, he was right!!! Hence the title, Dancing with the wolves.

Nov 25, 2023 9:41:37am