What's next?

 I have decided that maybe, just maybe, it will give me that place to creatively grieve and share my experiences with you.

I have been asked many times to do a podcast and share my feelings. Creating that is time consuming and I am still working on my anger about the whole grieving process. No one wants to see me cry and become a hot tearful mess.

I made numerous videos regarding this process, the raw grief, feelings of abandonment, loss of many who just don't understand why I grieve the way I do. I get to a certain place in a video and have to delete it.

At least with the written words, the blog can be done in times when I am ready to write about these things, I can make changes, edit what I don't like easily.

This isn't for everyone. We all have our own way to deal with grief. We all do it in our own time and space. No set rules are available, no one size fits all lists to go by. Yes, there are lots of lists and suggestions, but the bottom line is...you are on your own. You can cry to anyone who will listen, only to be admonished for your thoughts and feelings.

So here I am, packing up my feelings of grief and loss, abandonment, disappointments, and sometimes kicked to the curb by those you thought were there for you...

Some will say take your time, but when you do they will then say, what is the matter with her? She should be moving on, get her life back and start living.

Yes, after 2 years, it would be nice to do that. But, when you lose the one person that truly understood you, supported you, loved and respected you as a person and had your back every single day, moving on and starting over is a real challenge.

Being bombarded with those who are out to get their way, steal you blind, lie and make you into the monster they want you to be to others has a way of turning you off to the next stage of life being a widow or widower.

What I will do here is write about situations that I experienced as a 2 time widow. Many things happened were the same, but also many things were totally different.

I am a widow. That term doesn't define me, it describes the loneliness and frustration of living without my person. It speaks about being alone and mourning the loss of the love of my life.

I will share some of my art with you as I control my emotions by being creative. Sometimes I feel stuck and can't pick up a brush or a pair of scissors. My goal is to art my way to a better life, a better me.

You are free to comment, post your experiences too. However, if you are here to be nasty, move along.

Peace be with you my friends.