I needed a break due to not sleeping for several nights from leg cramps. I finally had a good night's sleep last night.

In my last post I made references to what I did or didn't do in my own situation. This doesn't mean what you did to help someone in in their grief wasn't enough.

Sometimes I don't explain well enough or generalize too much. Remember, I am an overthinker. I spend a lot of time agonizing if I did enough, gave enough, helped enough.

If you reach out and there is little or no response, connection, asking for help etc., that doesn't mean you should go and get in their face. I was only thinking maybe I should have done more in the past...

When the grieving person Is emotionally unavailable, they can't think straight, they are forgetful, brain fog is a real thing.

When the person is in raw grief it is undeniably draining and all you want is to zip yourself up into a cocoon. The loss is bad enough but then when you are hit with people wanting more from you than you can give...you lose them and anyone else that reaches out to help with their suggestions or advice because your mind is completely shut down with the agony and anxiety of every day.

There are days you just want life to end. That is an unfortunate fact and I was there more often that I would like to admit. The thoughts were there, I didn't act on them, but it wouldn't have taken much to get me there after all I went through.

Recently a man who lost his wife a few months ago, ended his life because he couldn't endure the loss. As supportive as we all were in the group we were in, it wasn't enough. He couldn't go on without her. My heart goes out to him for what he couldn't do and I hope he found the peace he was looking for. I cannot nor will not judge him or anyone who can't do this alone...it isn't my life and not my place.

Feeling so alone you just want to die, is one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, unworthy, and lonely. You miss the touch, the very presence of that person who made you feel loved and alive.

I am grateful for those who were here, those who helped with many days of yard work, packing, unpacking, rearranging and more. I couldn't have done it without you. You are the reason I didn't just give up.

And the ones who couldn't physically be here, were here with phone calls, messages and moral support. I needed you too. I am grateful that you cared enough to reach out.

I am sure some think I say too much. But it takes strength to be open and honest about this. I need to speak my truth and I hope it helps one person who needs to know they aren't alone.

Dec 08, 2023 2:27:08pm