Take care of you

 How can I help someone who is struggling with grief you might ask. I am still in a state of limbo. I still cry and remain a recluse many days. I am still grieving but I am learning how to live a life as a single woman who is also elderly. I have never lived completely alone in my entire life. That is a challenge in itself.

Most of my life I had to do pretty much what I do now. I was responsible for keeping the home, yard and finances in order because my first husband worked long hours and eventually traveled for a living. Sometimes he was gone for several days and weeks. When he came home he did his own thing...

He was the breadwinner. He worked hard and it was up to me to hold down the fort. That part I can do. The only difference now is I forget things even when I write it down. Thank goodness for auto-pay.

It is the long lonely hours that get to me. Its hard for me to drive long distances. I can get somewhere, getting back home is the issue. I have had several panic attacks in the car since my Henry died. I have had ocular migraines bad enough I had to pull over and wait until I could see well enough to drive again. My right leg and foot go numb and I can't feel the gas or brake pedal. Not every time I drive, but if I feel the tingling and numbness coming on, I stay home.

I don't go places that are longer than 10-15 minutes away and I have to do things early in the day. I can't drive at night so I must plan my days accordingly, especially in the winter.

These challenges have changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I never thought I would lose the strength and stamina like I have. I work hard when I am able to. I push myself until I can't move so the rest of the day, I do nothing. Sometimes I fall asleep from exhaustion, then its too late to talk to people. Normally I don't bother anyone...they have their own life to live.

So how can I help anyone else going through this? Well, by sharing my experiences, disappointments and physical limits perhaps you will see where you are compared to me and others in a similar situation and maybe you won't be so hard on yourself for not being able to do the things you feel you should do.

Learn something new, change your hair style, join a club are the most common things people tell me to do. I have to say, that doesn't really interest me right now. I have so many things waiting for me to work on, that another project, another decision, meeting new people on top of that is very stressful.

My advise is to take care of you. Be kind to you. Give yourself a break from the stress of being a widow or widower. If you are working, then relax when you get home. Or if you are athletic do something you enjoy.

Do something that makes you happy every day. It is different for everyone.

If you are already in a club, focus on that and seek out the friends there that are supportive. If you want to join a new club that is great. My point is no one can walk in your shoes, some of the suggestions are good ones, but if it doesn't interest you, find something that does.

Many people think they are being helpful...but sometimes they hit a nerve and you just want to retreat even further than you already have.

Being an artist is great but sometimes you just hit a creative block. You find yourself walking away from your gifts and are uninspired.
That is where I am today. Trying to find something to inspire me to keep creating something that is worth sharing.

Keep moving forward taking one step at a time.

Today I write, maybe tomorrow I will paint. I am determined to do something that is creative every day, because that is who I am.

Nov 25, 2023 1:37:10pm